why does Tuesday feel like Monday?

There is never enough time in the weekend! This last one was a whirlwind as usual....spending time with friends, late nights, superbowl!! I cooked a delectable feast (can you say best meatballs ever?!!) and had everyone over to watch the game. Go Pack!! I'm sure everyone had as much fun as I did on Sunday, but I don't know if everyone was suffering as much as I was yesterday. Exhaustion finally won and I came home last night, only to sleep for 16 hours straight..

Why am I still so tired??!!

With China looming in the distance, I am afraid I can't get my body and mind in the right place in order to get everything done! I leave for Boston on Thursday so that means I only have today and tomorrow...
Help!! I'm drowning in work!!

a sullen day

i said i wanted to get back to writing in 2011 and didn't know where to start. i used to reveal way too much (and probably still do) and it has gotten me burned in the past, so now i tend to swing the opposite way (which is no better a solution)...
but at the end of the day, i'd rather be exactly who i am and handle whatever consequences that brings on....not talking about things generally leaves me in a state of denial and that's not really working for me anymore, so here it is.....

i woke up today feeling covered in sadness.
people ask, "what are you sad about?" and the easiest answer that comes to mind is, "i dont know..just sad."

but when i got to thinking about it, i know exactly the things that make me sad. every once in awhile, these little sorrows like to poke their head to the surface just to remind me that they are still in there, lurking...dying to take over and pull me down.

i, (and i assume many of you as well), have sadnesses i don't like to talk about. acknowledging them makes them true, so my preferred method is to dodge, deflect, and distract myself.

i have always been an emotional person and its a rare moment when i don't have something to say. i have felt stuck, and without words for over a year now. I know that my knee problems really set me back psychologically - much worse than anyone will ever know. I had the most basic joys in life taken from me and every month, it seemed like more and more was being stripped from me. Something as little as being able to get my own glass of water - to the important things that set my mood - like being active and pain-free. I won't continue to bore you with the numerous setbacks that come along with a joint injury, but i will say that for any of you who have gone through knee problems, you have my sympathy.

the parallels between my injury and my life in general became overwhelmingly obvious. I am stuck. I am dependent. I am not free.

And this is where i find the root of the sadness today. I feel stuck. I feel stuck in a job that I'm not sure makes me happy. But is it the job? or do i just feel so unhappy that the idea of any kind of work exhausts me? I feel stuck in my life. i have been living this same life for as long as i remember. stuck in my secular ways. wanting to change. not knowing how. feeling generally incapable of the things that i THINK i'd like to do....wondering when i'll enter the next life stage...wondering what the future has in store for me and how to get there. feeling jealous of all the people around me who are so seemingly happy.

and if we really want to talk about the hard questions, here they are:

why do i feel like i'm never satisfied?
why do i constantly feel rejection all around me?

i feel so exhausted by my own emotion that i am not even sure i am capable of tackling these questions right now - or anytime soon for that matter. all i know is that i want to be happy. i just dont know how to get there...i look at my life and think it looks kind of disappointing. like there was a grand life in store and somehow i took the wrong path..i got caught up in the routine of things and now at 28, this is where i find myself.
there is a quote that has always resonated with me...
"the good times of today are the sad thoughts of tomorrow."

and this is where i am. constantly looking back and feeling sad. feeling like i have a ton of fun but that it has left me nowhere. feeling like i have great friends, but im constantly trying to steal back the moments i have shared with them.
i know i should be grateful for the memories, and look forward to more. and i do. i just also find it very easy to slip into this familiar little black hole where i can marinate in my own self-pity and regret. i know that i am capable of changing my attitude but sometimes it just feels so impossible. most of the time, i feel like i am my own worst enemy.

i realize that by saying all of this, i run the risk of seeming COMPLETELY melancholy. the trush is...i have great people in my life supporting me through each and every day. i am blessed and feel grateful for so many things...there are just a few things that have always been missing and i'd like to get to a place where i feel they are within my reach.
and i will. its just a matter of 'when'. i'm honestly exhausted of asking 'when' and ready for the 'when' to be 'right now.'

so there it is...my mood for the day. i accept it for what it is and look forward to a better tomorrow...i know its waiting for me :)

its fancy time!

so 2011 started off in the only way gangstas know how to throw down - by laying it all out there on a sweet rap track....

if you don't know me now, you might want to get to working on that....because when this shit goes viral, you're going to be sorry that you can't say "I knew T-weezie before she got famous."

Special shout outs also go out to: Douggie Doug, Johnny Boo, Swagga Steve, Mizz B, and Big Dan for contributing their sweet rhymes.......

new year, new blog

well its been what? a year since i last wrote anything in a public forum? heres to 2011 being the year that changes all that...
not sure what i have to say yet, but im sure that will come as i begin to both reflect and look to the future...
surely there will be talk of food, travel, music, socio-economic theory ;), books, current events, and general insights into my thoughts and opinions..

so if you are interested in any of that, please read on! :D

+
tina

Formerly my month in Italy - now an outlet for whatever i feel like saying!!

So I figure i have this blogspot domain - i might as well use it! Originally this blog was set up only for documenting my experience in Italy last fall. Maybe it will continue to be just that - a glimpse in history that feels more and more removed as time goes on....or maybe i'll feel inspired to keep it updated, therefore attracting a mass following! we'll see!!

arrivederci milano!!

so i am packing up and getting ready to leave milan tomorrow......

i had a wonderful time here...i will miss all the friends i have made here and cherish all the experiences.....

i hope coming here will have changed me in some way for the better...

i will see all of you in a day!! :)

ciao!

last night in milano

so i went out with some of the boys from the 3 months course last night...we had dinner at an overpriced steakhouse and then had some drinks in corso como....

here are the pics:




one of them is italian and barely speaks english..his name is stefano and he calls me his sorella (sister)....he is so cute...he says things like 'i drink much vodka in the house of david' meaning 'i drank too much vodka in david's house'...

the other one is david..he is from montreal. he is really fun too and a little crazy :)

i'll let you figure out which one is which!! :P